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When I was dating my ex, I believed I could be her perfect man by doing everything I could to fit the bill.
I did everything I could to please her because I learned that the best road to a woman’s heart and to have a working relationship is to let her be in control. That was the extent of my relationship knowledge at that time.
Of course, that’s one of the most difficult things to do in a relationship only if you’re an alpha male but I suck it up and passively accept it.
I hoped it would make her see me as her ideal guy and persuade her to provide me with the happiness and fulfillment I had sought from her.
Unfortunately, this is not the case. What I saw was the polar opposite of what I expected from her.
According to her perspective, my being courteous and letting her take the wheel demonstrate how weak I am.
Even the fact that I completed all of her requests without hesitation She thinks she’s too traditional and I’m too poor to fit into her world just because I’m that weak man.
As a result of how unstable, toxic, and awful we are to one another, we broke up.
After that, I take a step back and begin to consider, analyze, and examine every single element of the situation; it’s then that I understand there are certain relationship standards that I disregarded that have led me to where I am today.
And these are the rules that I follow. And will be showing you also.
1. Never forget who you are
You don’t have to put forth as much effort to show that you’re head over heels in love with someone.
You don’t have to go out of your way to become someone’s tool in order to find the happiness and fulfillment you want.
Happiness and love are both free; you can be loved without expecting anything in return, and you can love without being pressured or tormented in any way.
I understand how exhausting and disheartening it can be when all of your efforts to love someone go unnoticed and unvalued.
Then you wonder why, despite all your efforts, you aren’t good enough for him or her.
You keep thinking about the situation and how to fix it, but nothing seems to work. You occasionally see your significant other having a good time with his or her friends, but he or she seems strange and unbearable to you when being together.
In the scene, you then intend to duplicate what you are not wherein you try to imitate some behaviors that are likely possessed by someone close to him or her just to compel him to do what you desire.
Do you plan to do that? If yes
then you need to get over it because he or she will mistreat badly you as soon as it’s being figured out.
And in addition, your heart will be filled with regret because the more you try to win his or her attention the harder he or she makes you fight for it. So advisably remain in the lane of yourself. Never get off of it no matter what.
2. Don’t live by your past relationship experience
It seems confusing to me when people get into a relationship with their past toxic relationship experience and still want their present relationship to work peacefully.
I don’t get it, like how would someone claims to love you and will intend to show you how it feels to be loved but you end up making it a leaving hell by torturing the individual.
And when you care to know they’d tell you.
I don’t want him to mistreat me the same way my ex did or I don’t want her to mistreat me the same way my ex did.
Who told you he’s going to mistreat you after proving to you how in love he or she is with you all the way. Even if he or she intends to it’s because he has been pushed too far.
So Therefore, If you can’t let go and heal from the pain you experienced in your ex-relationship, then why’d you go into another relationship and make sons or daughters of men regret the fact that they come across unempathetic soul like you.
It’s better off you stay single and wait until you grow and learn to heal from your pains before Intending to mingle with anyone you wish to mingle with, not becoming people joy killer.
So If you still leave In Your past toxic relationship experience and you still expect things to works flawlessly in your new relationship well believe me it’s not going anywhere.
A new relationship is a fresh start to express all the love you’ve got for your partner but only when he or she gives you the same.
3. Understand your own core values
Lately, I’ve heard some people complaining about how abusive and unbearable their relationships have become ever since they get into it.
And then I keep wondering asking myself how would people get into a relationship and find everything confusing with no clue of where exactly is the problem looming from.
As time runs by I started to realize that one of the factors affecting most working relationships is the inability to know one’s core values.
The incapacity of a couple to understand and tolerate each other’s wants, habits, needs, is what jeopardize the core happiness to build a better working relationship.
So If you want to build a working relationship you must know your core values whereas you figure out who you are the purpose of your being in that relationship and what exactly you want in it.
The early you figure out these factors in you the easier it seems to learn and comprehend a better pace to build a better working relationship you often crave for.
4. Don’t compare your relationship
One of the rules I come to realize that I skipped when I pathed with my ex, was this comparison.
Isn’t something I was able to crack on my own because of how bad I was injured emotionally about the brake up, but I figured it out according to what one of her friends told me when we had a moment at the coffee shop.
She said: I know you loved your ex-girlfriend so much that you wished to build a future with her but unfortunately she made you regret possessing such motive, and I know how hard you’ve been trying to get over it and be alright.
And I know isn’t gonna be easy for you to get into another relationship with such a wound because you’ll be unable to trust a lady. but don’t worry everything will be just fine.
But before then I’ll have something to talk to you about what is it your ex complained.
She: the last time she was at my place she was grumbling about how disappointed and discomfort she was being in a relationship with you.
She was wishing if the relationship was like that of mine she’d be the happiest woman ever.
When she said that I was so intense and boiled with anger then start to think about what she said after a couple of some minute I then start to realize that, that was one of the reasons she left.
So let me give you some advice. If you crave to have the relationship you often wish then never compare your relationship or your partner with anything comparable no matter how susceptible and sensitive it might seem.
Because the more he or she comes to realize it the more it exposes your relationship to trauma and breakaways.
5. Be willing to walk away when it’s time to split
Breaking up or divorce isn’t something easy to handle by people in a relationship, especially when they are in a committed romantic relationship and had plans to build their future together.
It often seems difficult for someone to ditch what gives him or her the kind of vibe, sensation, and satisfaction he or she gets. But as a human being, you should get this mentality in your head that nothing is permanent everything has a beginning and has an end.
No matter how you seem protective towards what you love and cherish the most it must leave you as time goes on.
It’s seam amusing to me sometimes when I witness some people trying everything they could to encourage their significant other to stay with them when they’ve already determined to leave all the way.
Some of them even beg, moan make use of all they’ve got to stop them from leaving,
but where it seems funnier is that’s when they get implicated the most because the more they try to stop them the more though they seem for them to struggle harder To make them stay and as a result they would become overwhelmed and so messed up with the scenario because of how exhausted they’re both physically, mentally and emotionally.
So advisably whenever your significant other demands you For a departure don’t hesitate in giving it to him or her no matter how much you love him or her or how long you both have lived together.
Because here one fact the early you authorize them to leave the more they rethink properly about what they’re to do whereas they’d start to wonder if they are making the right decision or not. But only if they aren’t willing and affected the most.
6. Try not to change your partner
I lol when I heard people telling me " don’t worry bro I know he does a lot of bad things but I’ll change him when we are together or don’t worry bro I’ll fix her when we are together, it’s just a matter of time.
That’s so funny.
I’m not saying you can’t fix anyone or change anybody from bad to good or from good to bad but only when they are interested and willing to be transformed.
Bur regardless of willingness, I don’t think anybody would be able to make it no matter how hard they attempt to make it work.
And in implicate, you’ll regret trying to because of how overwhelmed it would seem when struggling to make the impact.
So if you are going into a new relationship, and you want to have the best relationship ever with your significant other, never try to change or even think of fixing your partner no matter how bad or comfortable he or she will seem respective.
Don’t do it.
And If there is something you don’t feel comfortable about him or her just let them out politely, and if he or she seems defensive about it and you still feel unsafe and uncomfortable about it let him or her be and walk away.
Because every human being has unique behaviors and attitudes that persuade them to do whatever they feel good with, and not anyone will let anybody or anything else come to ruin it no matter the situation they are into.
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