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Some self-proclaimed relationship writers have led us to accept some nonsense they believe to be facts, even though it may be damaging our relationships today.
They tell you that no matter what, no matter what circumstances you’re in, just be yourself, and your ideal person would find you someday. This is simply not true.
Alternatively, they advise, continually showering the person with love and compassion over time can cause him or her to change his or her attitudes.
However, the system no longer works, which is one of the reasons why many relationships today are so messed up.
And I can assure you that what you’re going to read will explain a lot about how relationships work nowadays. I don’t pretend to know everything, but I am hoping this advice will be helpful.
So, ladies and gentlemen, may we proceed?
1. You are going to change who you are.
Technically, it is generally understood that no one should change who they are in order to love or be loved.
Yet, sometimes we change ourselves or our behaviors, such as changing certain habits and features, in order to attract the attention of the person we appear to love.
However, my curiosity drives me to find out why, and it turns out that these are some of the reasons that I was able to extract as to why we do what we do.
And they are: getting things to work out favorably, with the person we want, and To be perceived as the person’s ideals.
And not to be perceived as a boring, and dumb individual, before the person we want in other to comprehend, if it might attract the person we desire, or pay attention to us, and to figure out what they want from their ideal person and incorporate it into our behavior and personality.
Since, we aren’t sure if the person we want, might want us back, or might have anything significant, to do with us.
Then, as long as they’ve perceived their ideal guy or woman’s admiring traits from us, gaining the individual’s attention won’t be a difficult task.
As a consequence, they’ll be tempted and addicted to us, and they’ll think of us as the one who was made just for them.
2. You won’t be Loved unconditionally
the fear of being perceived as a vulnerable and insecure person is one of the things, that make it seem nervous for us to be loved unconditionally.
Nowadays, It seems hard for some people to love you without penning down a big list, of what to do when you are been loved, by them.
Because they can’t let go of their expectations, and can’t give out what they don’t get, and they rarely love themselves conditionally sometimes, as a result of not knowing what it really means.
And in consequence, it makes today’s relationships to becomes give and take, instead of doing things willingly and freely, and our expectations become limited.
3. Love for yourself is a prerequisite
One of the things that sabotage today's relationships is that we frequently offer others more than we give ourselves.
We place a higher priority on things about them than we do on things about ourselves much too often.
On the other hand, how you love yourself, and how much affection you lavish on yourself, is a reflection of how you will love someone else.
the hard truth about life, Is that you can’t make someone love, by giving them more of what they don’t like.
But When you start choosing yourself, I mean when you genuinely start to love yourself, everyone else will begins to love you.
4. The deeper the love, the bigger The damage
A lot of people today, have been deceived by the years they’ve spent with their significants with no conflict.
and it makes them to love so much, to the point of thinking it is infinity or they’re going to live forever.
But unfortunately, they were wrong, and as a result, they get a lot of emotional damage, they couldn’t think of ever, especially during a confrontation or after breakups.
because they thought their significant other is their soulmate, and the qualities of the person they want, exhibit, however, render them to think, they are their ideal partner.
5. Love can’t fix the things that are broken inside
Some relationships nowadays are struggling with regret and blame since it seems difficult for them to identify the type of relationship they’re in.
Meanwhile, they believed that being in a relationship would cure their emotional wounds and restore their self-worth.
However, it does not make things and them better; rather, it makes them, and things worse because they have not made peace with their past, and any minor mistake in that relationship, would strip them of their peace and self-worth.
As a result, it has thrown some relationships today into a never-ending cycle of tension and argument.
6. you expected to solve problems
When you’re in a relationship, you have to deal with problems that you don’t always have to solve on your own, but with the person, you’re dating.
However, some couples today do not solve their difficulties together, preferring instead to have one of them solve the problem, no matter how difficult it may seem.
because one of them is believed to have more love, and affection for the other, than the other has.
And that he or she is willing to go, to any length to ensure that the connection between them, stays.
As a result, the relationship becomes unstable and full of conflict and misunderstandings, because, the other person will believe that staying in that relationship is pointless.
After all, any complicated situation can only be managed by him or her.
7. They use vulnerability as a tool to control you
It’s been mentioned a million times that we should be vulnerable to those we desire and wish to make our own.
Because it is one of the most effective strategies to foster a deep connection, trust, and intimacy with our relationship, as well as to foster empathy and understanding with the person we desire and to boost our self-worth with the person we desire.
Unfortunately, our vulnerability is being exploited to manipulate us, to elicit a reaction or whatever they desire from us, whether we want it or not.
Because we are emotionally exposed and defenseless, and everything we’ve said to our significant other has been weaponized to persuade us to do things we can’t control.
As a result, our significant other perceive us to be weak and powerless.
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